He's always just been my wittle bubby boo.

-Bryan's Mom

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So funny, I died.

-Former friend

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He knows advertising. Trust me.

-Himself

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You're perfect for the industry because you're never on time.

-Advertising professor

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No wait, I can be on time. Trust me.

-Himself

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That growth is abnormal.  You should have it removed.

-Doctor Kerry

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Words are the scars of experience, and the birthplace of creation.

-I just made that up in like 2 seconds

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Don't say 'you're hired' and quote the reader as the one saying it, because that's tacky.

-You